People who win debates and are good at arguing not only speak well, but also listen well.
Good listening skills increase your credibility and make you confident. But very few people are good at it. They get distracted easily, they start planning what they’re going to say, or worse, they cut the other person off and start rambling.
In my book, “Win Every Argument: The Art of Debating, Persuading, and Public Speaking,” I outline two types of master listening: critical listening and empathetic listening.
1. Critical Listening
This requires consciously assimilating, understanding, and evaluating the information the speaker is giving you in real time. “Is it true or false?” “Does it make sense or not?” “Can I believe what I’m hearing?”
You need to be a critical listener when your teacher is giving feedback on your essay. Or when your boss is going through what was wrong with the report you wrote.
Here’s how to be a critical listener when your opponent is making his point:
keep an open mind.
When you’re arguing against an opponent, don’t automatically assume that everything they’re saying is wrong, silly, or silly.
Hear valid points or clever lines that you’ll need to address or acknowledge in your comments.
Yes, you should be confident in your arguments, but also keep an open mind enough to see where the opponent is strong or where you fall short.
clear your mind.
Don’t daydream or blink when those around you are speaking and advocating. It damages your credibility and is seen as rude or disrespectful to the audience.
Get laser focused on the task at hand. By listening critically to your opponent and being ready to pick up on misleading or false claims, you can craft zinger-like responses and win your argument.
take notes.
Critical listening has the advantage of a sharp mind and good memory. Both can be strengthened with good old fashioned demonetisation. Some of the most successful people on the planet are fast note takers.
British billionaire Richard Branson, who says he reads dozens of notebooks a year, wrote about a conference in London where he shared the stage with Bill Gates.
2. Empathetic Listening
It’s about trying to connect with the speaker and see the world through their eyes. The goal is to focus on their thoughts and understand where they are coming from.
This may sound counterintuitive, but in my experience, a lot of people – smart people! – just bad at it.
Here are three strategies I’ve found most helpful:
be present.
Make it clear to the other speaker and to the audience that your attention is focused on the other speaker.
“Quiet your inner monologue, put your device aside, and turn your attention to the other person,” says Ximena Vengoechea, author of “Hear It Like You Want to Say It: Reclaiming the Lost Art of True Relationship.”
Make sure your focus is not 100% on yourself.
make eye contact.
I cannot stress enough how important eye contact is as a means of showing empathy and making deep emotional connections.
Research supports this: One study of doctors and patients found that eye contact was “significantly related to patient perceptions of the physician’s empathy.”
Another study of public speakers found that “participants were more likely to believe statements made by a speaker looking directly at them, rather than by a speaker making an averted gaze.” Wonder!
Ask the right questions.
ask your interlocutors questions that allow Them To keep the conversation going, and then ask follow-up questions to show that you were listening to their answers.
Opt for open-ended questions rather than closed-ended questions, and questions that require personal and well-thought-out answers rather than one-word “yes” or “no” answers.
Mehndi Hasan is an award-winning British-American journalist and author “Win Every Argument: The Art of Arguing, Persuading, and Public Speaking.” He is the host of MSNBC “The Mehdi Hasan Show.” He has written for The New York Times and The Washington Post. follow him on twitter @mehdirhassan,
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